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我还能怎样-

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发表于 2019-4-7 14:34:27 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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 楼主| 发表于 2019-4-23 23:48:34 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

我还能怎样?
  生活其实是可以选择的,不能选择的是时间!

  但我们要学会支配时间,做自己的主人~!!

  生命不长,只是地球的一瞬,珍惜所有的温暖和感动!!

  

  我还能怎样?

  ——林青梅朵

  

  

  平凡的生活像水一样缓缓的流着,波谰不惊。生活于我一如没有选择的道路,没有未来可言,天天都同学在一起,上课,放学吃饭,回寝室睡觉,或者手挽手在校园里慢慢的走,没有压力,也可以不去想未来,晒着太阳,轻松的开着玩笑,有时候我会眯着眼睛眼抬头去看天,然后想这样的生活也很幸福,于是我就觉得自己是个白癜风医院银川哪家好快乐的人了,于是我就感动的泪流满面了,

    

  一次偶然在网上遇到一个以前很好的朋友,我给他说我现在的生活,说我现在自以为美好的日子,然而他却通过视频忧伤的看着我,无比疼惜的对我说“这不是你,至少不是我认识的你,你变了”“每个人都是会变的”我一下就生气了,凭什么这么说我呀!他说“你觉得你现在真的过的好吗?”我就乐了,为什么不好啊“我现在过的很好,很正常,突然觉得自己也可以过明亮的生活,不是一直是你们所期待的吗,你应该祝贺我哟,我终于做到了…”他打断我的话“虽然我一直希望并劝你过正常人的生活,不忍心看你颠沛流离,痛苦挣扎,可不是这个样子呀,以前的你是怕平庸的日子淹没了你生活的锐气,所以你才想要努力的寻找新鲜空气呼吸,你苦苦坚持的是你心中的执着和清醒…,现在,看看现在的你,连追求都没有了…”我一低头就看见自己的眼泪如钻石一样掉下来,砸在手背上,砸在键盘上,发出清脆的声音,如同我碎裂并沉迷的道路,如同我再也提不起笔写出的文字。“别哭,好吗?你知道我并不是想说你,你那么有才华,就不应该像我们这样,我心疼!别把锋芒掩盖起来,过自由点!”

    

  我不知道我现在选择的生活,我只是想我应该低调一些,有很多东西我放不下,我身上有责任,我现在不想再去想,也不想再去管骨子里空荡荡的疼痛,血液里奔流着的远方的呼唤,还有午夜汹涌上来凄艳如花的灵感,我只想在黑暗中裹紧被子沉沉的睡去,睡去…拥有着不被人打扰的隔膜!

    

  很长一段时间的夜里,我都睡不好,经常会在半夜被突如其来的孤独吓醒,然后是恐惧一波接一波的涌出,然后我就看见了我的那些午夜灵感,在哪家治疗白癜风医院好我的体内喧嚣叫器,如洁白的花朵般在黑暗中怒放,凄凉而美丽,然后我就看见自己举起手残忍的把它们扼杀,花朵突然颓败,就像一场盛放的烟花,熄灭了,抬起头来,尘土落在脸上,然后一切归于平静,黑夜黯然,闭上眼睛迷迷糊糊睡去…

    

  在孤独难过的时候,当无助紧紧包围,就会想要一个劲儿的抽烟,就会想要喝酒,就要想有个人来抱我,辛辣的气体能刺激神经和内脏,酒精能带来温暖,拥抱也能让人温暖,还能安慰。其实没有人知道,我只是中科白癜风医院爱心捐助单纯的想要个人来抱我,我不在乎哪个人是谁,不在乎他是否爱我,我是否爱他,我只是想他抱抱我。可拥抱是一个很暧昧的词,不是所有的人都能承受的起.其实每天每个人都在自我拥抱,可当四只手臂缠绕在一起的时候,拥抱就有了不同 的意义。

    

  我很庆幸,在阳光下我是一个正常、健康的好孩子,有明亮清澈的眼睛,有洁白整齐的牙齿,有乌檀木一样黑而柔顺的头发,有如丝绸般光滑洁白的肌肤,有干净温暖的笑容…很好,我是一个讨人喜欢的孩子,有年轻的容颜,有如花般盛开的美丽青春…

    

  幸好大家看不见,看不见我内心的潮湿阴冷,绝望和黑暗,那些如死神般紧紧相随的孤独,还有性格里天生的反叛和冷漠,血液里的漂泊—居无定所。这些也并不是我能感控制和掌握的,我能做的也就只有隐藏,其实当绝望在身体内撕裂的时候,就会有嗜血和暴力的冲动,真的,这让我很恐惧。我不知道当突然爆发的时候会在什么时候什么地点伤害什么人,无论伤害谁都不是我所愿意的,我真心希望所有好人都能健康快乐的生活!

    

    

  
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发表于 2019-4-23 23:49:31 | 显示全部楼层
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